the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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