Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
