walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
