My brain says no but my pants say off.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
