your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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