I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
high people should be assigned attendants
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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