i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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