I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
