oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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