I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
