Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.