I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
