I CAN MOONWALK!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
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I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?