I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in