You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!