these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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