You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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