Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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