Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
