so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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