i was born a porn star she said
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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