I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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