just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he thought i was a dude.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
