there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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