Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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