im six kinds of drunk right now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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