You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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