Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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