I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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