I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
