Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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