i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
