On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
