Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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