Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
