If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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