Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
