Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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