After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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