I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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