Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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