This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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