I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
