I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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