can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
