I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
