Screwed.edu
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
