im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
