i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
