Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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