I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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