Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
