I'm so fucking centered right now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
