Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
