I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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