so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
