naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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