I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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