I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
