hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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