I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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