Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
