He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
