I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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