omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize