forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
