It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
