you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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