I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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