last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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